November 25, 2015 5:21pm

theres no reason she should have even given me a second glance she’s air brushed she’s not even real she’s on top of me she’s breathing so heavily she can’t sense my body language it’s saying no no noshe’s a friend of a friend with a porn star body she’s the type of girl you fantasize about she’s not real to you she’s on a different planet i think we went to high school together or maybe i’ve never seen her before she just blends in with all the other beautiful girls in the world i can never touch but she’s here next to me on top of me all over me she’s like water her skin is so soft it’s so soft the softest thing ever like she’s never been hurt by anything a callous has never formed on her body i feel stupid i should want this i don’t feel right my mind is saying don’t do it stop

she has my pants off her lips and tongue moving from mine down my neck down my chest i sit up onto my elbows my voice is weird i say

wait

she looks up at me her eyes are the sky they’re so blue they look so pure she looks at me confused my eyes feel worried i don’t know what to say so we just sit here for a moment more than a moment i live here it’s not so bad my jaw is wired shut

she giggles and keeps moving down my heart is beating so fast so fast i feel stupid i want her to

stop stop stop

i’m saying

stop stop stop

she giggles more she runs her nails across my chest

i want to go home

shes under my belly button

STOP

her eyes are shocked so are mine i’m standing over the bed over her with just my socks and a t shirt on i cover myself with my hands i’m breathing heavy

she’s still looking at me then

then she’s

giggling

laughing

hysterically her face shoved into a pillow i feel something move up into my throat i’m a little kid again like that time i killed a bird and my mom scolded me for it

embarrassed

ashamed

kinda like whats wrong with me

she’s still laughing my pants are on i’m out the door she drove here but i walk home i don’t know where i am i just walk

i walk home and i feel like a little kid i’m lost i feel stupid and embarrassed and alone

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