November 28th 2015 2:17am

her name is kristy and she’s my parole officer. it doesn’t matter why i was in prison or why i’m on parole now but kristy is at my house for the third time today. she’s looking through all my stuff she sucks her teeth at me. and it probably sounds crazy but kristy is in love with me, i can tell by the way she acts around me, and how she always shows up everywhere i am which is her job but usually parole officers will show up at your job or at your house a few times a week not a few times a day like she does. i’m just waiting as she searches my house for drugs or anything she can find to put me away again. 

i wonder if she would put me away. 

she finally speaks

do you always keep your apartment this dirty? you should see my house honestly you wouldn’t find a speck of dust anywhere. 

she picks up my dirty underwear and throws it in a laundry hamper. 

i want her to go away 

i say 

hey i want to go out with this girl tomorrow after i get off work, and i know usually probation officers don’t allow that kind of shit but i was hoping you could make an acceptation? 

she has her back to me and she doesn’t turn as she says 

i don’t think that’s a good idea when you go out at night your more tempted to make bad fucking decisions. 

the fucking hits like thunder i’ve never heard her cuss before. 

you would think i just admitted to killing her father. 

then before i could even try and defend myself she turns and slams the door on her way out. 

it’s this type of shit, she’s been doing this for weeks. 

she spits up rocks as she drives away, i almost want to call and have another parole officer assigned to me. but i forget about it as i lay in bed and stare blankly at the ceiling. i can’t sleep anymore, i haven’t been able to for a while. but tonight i can feel the hate rise up in my belly and i try to roll over to bury my face in the pillow because some times it helps to calm me down but it’s eating me alive tonight. i can’t take it i want to destroy everything. i’m screaming into my pillow i wish i could stop

and somewhere during all this i fall asleep

and at some point i wake up to someone slamming on my door.

and it scares me so i jump up and run towards the door and i hope it’s not one of her friends or her brother that finally found me and i’m still asleep when i answer the door. 

it’s her and as soon as i open the door she pushes past me and she wreaks of wine. 

she’s stumbling around and she’s slurring her words

 good you better be home cause i told you you couldn’t leave your house. you have to do everything i say. 

she falls into me and tries to put her hand on my face and i’m annoyed so i push her away. 

she falls to the floor i didn’t push her that hard and shes yelling now

oh so it’s true huh you like hitting women don’tchu you pig why do i have to put up with youuu

her face is moving too much for the word shes saying

she’s slurring her words even worse and i’m getting frustrated now, i can feel my anger rising in me. 

i bet that’ssswhat you did to your wife right before you KILLED her

i see blood

oh oops was i not supposed to say that ar-are you gonna get mad at me huh?!

the hate rises in me it boils up it wants to boil over

and i’m just staring at the wall i can hear her behind me and i’m trying to calm myself down

she says i bet you thought it was her brother at the door i bet you thought he finally found you. 

then i turn around and i can’t remember what i was going to say to her but the only thing that comes out is a strained grunting sound.

and my mouth is hot and i’m drooling and i have that feeling you get when someone pushes on your belly button really hard it kind of makes you want to pee. 

then she has her arm around my neck and all i can smell is her perfume and she’s so close and she whispers in my ear

did you think he was going to kill you

i’m tasting blood the knife in my stomach isn’t there the ground is a thousand feet below me i’m falling the floor is lava i don’t want to touch it. 

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